Yesterday

Anyone who does not have a child with autism or a special need can never understand the frustration that comes with it. My little Buggy is my whole world and I tell him so all the time. The big clincher is that I have no idea if he even understands me!

About 4 weeks ago he had a bowel movement and played in it as he sometimes does if "if you don't get to it, before he does", and so naturally he needed a bath. I alway wash him sitting down or standing up(but that's a rarety). Because he had his BM everywhere I was finding it hard to get it out of all the crevices of his body, so I attempted to lay him down. Big Mistake! He became to petrified. I instantly stopped and washed him off quickly and took him out. Then cradled him and told him I was sorry! I was feeling like Andrea Yates!

Two days later I attemped to put him in the tub and he just wouldn't go. He wouldn't even go through the door. Seeing how distraught he was I let it go. When Clifford came home I told him and he filled up the tub and took him in(so certain he'd be different with him), but it was the same old thing. So he got a wash pan and washed him that way. That was fine until last Tuesday when he decided that he was also terrified of the wash pan too. I had to force him to be cleaned, but after when I finally dressed him and let him go. He went to his cushions and buried his head. I went inside to let him know I was sorry and, yes for my peace of mind, cuddle him and tell him I needed to bathe him and that I wasn't just doing it to be a mean Mom. But the instant I walked in the room he shrieked and seemed to breath heavy and hide from me. I was a broken Mom all day! I felt like I'd done something wrong.

I called Mom! I told her I was frustrated and, though I tried my best not to, I cried. She told me that she knew exactly what I was going through and that it would get better with time. She said that when Tanya(my handicap sister) use to tell her that she hated her and wanted to be anywhere but home, it bothered her. Until she realized that it was just her mid and that actually she thought as much for her as she did for anyone else. I felt a bit better.

But I called Clifford anyway and seeing how upset I was, he wanted to come home to see if he could calm him down(Buggy always prefers Cliff to me). Elijah cuddled into Cliff took a granola bear and a sippy cup from im(though he hadn't eaten allday). But Cliff could only stay for a few minutes, so as soon as he left, Buggy went back to burying his head in his cushions terrified of the Evil MOMMA, and the evil Mom spent the rest of the day in tears.

I called Sue(Elijah's community support and mental health worker) for suggstions, but she was on vacations. I researched the internet and found similiar cases but in lots there was a lot of "I force my child in the tub once a week" and they made that seem ok. To me that is not ok. This kid obviously has been so out of wack that one small fear has grown into a sort of phobia, I was not about to 'force' Elijah(Buggy) into anything. Wouldn't that only make the fear worse?

Cliff came home at 5:30 and Elijah was a differnt child, he was even ok with me laying on the cishions with him and singing to him.

So yesterday, my angel's showed up. Yes, to me that's what they are like. I've been told it's silly to let all these people in my home all the time to help Elijah because it was so unneccesary. I totally do not agree. There have been many times these very same people have been mysaving grace. Marjorie(occupational therapist) came in carrying a wierd looking brush, a long tube-like vibrating thingy that looked like one of those double penetrating viborators and a long purple massage tool.

The speech therapist(who has become one of the sweetest women I know) was with her and with both there help they explained to this weeping Mom that I was doing everything fine and that what I needed to do was have Elijah start associating me with something good for a change. So let Cliff bath him from now on, while I sit to the side blowing bubbles for him and then when things are all down gently rub him down with the brush.

So that brings me to the brush. Marjorie quickly went to work at elijah with this 21/2 x 11/2 white very soft brush. Explaining to me that he had a lot of anxiety going on inside of him and this would help relieve that. I had my doubts until I saw how he went into a dream-like state as she did it and when she stopped he's quickly extend his arm for more.

After a quick lesson in how to do the brushing and how to do the joint compressions that go along with the brushing. They left and I was left with the brush.

That night at around 10 I brushed him a bit(not much) and he was out, but the phone rang and woke him up and then my brother and his wife returned from Childrens meetings with Evie and Arless. They were all rowdy and anxious to recap the evening. But at about 10:30, Evie and Arly were in bed and I went back to Elijah. I gave him another quick brushing and he seemed to go like puddy in my hand. He was laying on his back but he would let his mouth hang open and let his tongue hag out, within minutes he was to sleep.

So as you can tell that brush has been my saviour. I haven't been able to get in bed before midnight for months! This brushing procedure surely worked for me and I would recommend it to any parent who are having big sensory issuies with their child.

It is almost 9am and I have to hav my breakfast. Time to go. But I will be back with more as

soon as I possibly can.

Toodles!